Day 2: I’m Comin’ Clean.

“I wanna scream

I’m coming clean, I’m coming clean”

-Hilary Duff

(btw I’m gonna keep this song thing going all week and am open to suggestions)

Let me first entertain you with my tweets throughout the day:

If you even THOUGHT about chuckling slightly at any of the above, you are obligated to continue reading this. 

If you didn’t chuckle or think about chuckling, what kind of alien species are you!?

And if you are, in fact, an alien, tell me: Where do you live? Do you have mirrors? Can I come visit? AND DO YOU HAVE PURPLE SKIN!?!?!?!

Sorry… I got a little bit distracted there.

The point of today’s post: Coming Clean.

As I started this project, I knew it would not be easy – so I’m not going to even try and put you under the impression that I have not actually seen my face since I started this. Let’s get all false pretenses out of the way, yeah?

The problem with this project only lasting the duration of one week is that it feels more like a transitional period than a proper amount of time to allow me to break my reliance on mirrors.

Seriously. It’s strange going from looking at yourself in the mirror/windows over 100 times a day to not allowing yourself to gaze upon your own beauty even once!

I mean, c’mon – it is hard denying myself the right to stare at this:

And as I said, I haven’t been completely successful.

In yesterday’s post, I identified a rough estimate of about a quarter of the mirrors that I come in contact with during various points of my day. [ https://christelvtucker.wordpress.com/2013/10/15/man-in-the-mirror/ ]

If I had to put a number on it, I’d say I had well over 200 opportunities to look at myself… and that figure is probably still much too low, especially considering the amount of time I spend with my phone or computer screen in front of my face. (Did you know, if you catch the right light, you can totally see yourself?)

All of this being said, to total up my faults from days 1 & 2, I have already seen my face by “accident” 4 times, on purpose 1 time (took a selfie for a radio contest this morning), and I have seen my whole self from a distance 3 times.

Right now, I think the purpose of this whole experience was to make me really realize and take note of how often we want to look at and judge ourselves. Therefore, by avoiding mirrors I am challenging both that urge and the societal “norm” of staring at yourself in the mirror and judging yourself.

PROMPT: Mirrors are a way that we reflect on and judge ourselves; what would it be like to live without them?

Yesterday, I was also under the impression that this project was allowing me to shift focus from the self to other things – but on the contrary, I feel as if I have never been so self-absorbed.

Without being allow to actually see myself, I’m constantly wondering “Do I look OK? Did I get some random zit, that no one is telling my about? Do I have any stray peppers in my teeth from lunch? Is this outfit completely stupid? … I did get dressed in the dark, after all…”

So now that I’m not allowed to see what I look like, I’ve ended up caring way more than I ever had (and maybe that’s just because I really am convinced that I’m having a bad hair day, but have no way to REALLY know!!!!!)

This experiment is uncomfortable but I guess I haven’t yet decided if it is a positive or negative experience.

I’m still open minded and curious to see how this will progress. Will I continue to be obsessed with myself and my looks? Or will I be able to just let go of my appearance? I know that literally NOBODY ACTUALLY CARES WHAT I AM OR AM NOT WEARING EXECPT FOR ME – believe me, I KNOW I’m not that important. But I do like to present myself well, and without having the confirmation that I look put together I REALLY AM STRUGGLING SO HARD!!!

Yikes. Well, like I said before, I’ll keep you updated. Hopefully in the process I don’t actually lose my mind… starting to feel a strange mixture of narcissism and insecurity and I really don’t like it. Yes I do. No I don’t… Oh crap – I’m already developing multiple personality disorder. 😉

But what do you think? Do you think I can make it the whole week? Can I overcome this new uncomfortable self-absorption? I sure hope so!

 

Also, check out Day 1.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Day 2: I’m Comin’ Clean.

  1. Pingback: Day 3: We’re Gonna Celebrate | Christel Contemplates

  2. Pingback: Day 4: Smoke and Mirrors | Christel Contemplates

  3. Pingback: Day 8: Reflection | Christel Contemplates

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s